Assalamualaikum..
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Hey, where am i heading to next? My friend has received an offer from University Technology Petronas. Talk about smart student huh.. Hurm, this is a very big dilemma for me.. Where am i heading to? Government or non-government? What course will i choose?? hurm… UPU application will be on tomorrow.. and i haven’t decided where to go.. maybe thinking about umi will be left alone working?? sigh.. why is it always me??.. sigh…
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Abe working, kak working, ayie study + working, amin hostel, abah in KL working and (*).. I’m living with umi now.. I must say i miss this very moment.. So long never had this mother daughter time together.. I get to know umi better and deeper inside.. Umi had this all by herself.. She’s very strong and i would say i adores her that much. I had never thought and even imagined her suffer through her fine face without any worries.. Its hard to read her face..
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Dilemma between UMI and Univesity. Yes. Double you.. What if after SPM result, im probably will went to college that need me to travel away from here.. IF, im choosing a nearby university.. If i received like at Johor or something, then what about umi? She’ll be all alone here by herself.. plus she isn’t getting younger everyday.. plus what about her health? She’s suffering from diabetes now. Both of my parents. though they are in a beware phase. Sort of 1% of it. No need to take pills just control your eating, doctor’s advices..
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They good in taking care of themselves. Both got their own tester to check percentage of sugar in blood. That doesn’t matter for me.. The matter is about her asthma.. What if she out of medicine? and what if suddenly the house black out and cannot plug in the healer machine? She have the hand-healer but as the doctor’s advices, better used the machine. I dunno whether she still have it or not. Its scared me a lot.
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Indeed, if i applied for nearby university then i won’t be that much worry but my teenage-blood wanted to travel away from here. I want to go somewhere far.. Maybe Johor? or Sabah? or even Sarawak? I eagerly wanted to go there. idk why but my heart wanting it. I wanted to feel a different atmosphere around me. Something new. Something odd but feels good.
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I’m afraid. Afraid of choosing. Afraid of what’s coming ahead. Afraid of everything. I want to go school again. Has only one priority which is study then get the best result. Maybe i’m afraid of responsibilities too bcuz, i’m not ready yet. Not now. Not now where i get the feeling of guilty-ness all over me about leaving Umi alone..
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I need someone to calm me here please..
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p l e a s e…..